This quote♥

We’re all walking about with these masks. “I’m just tired,” we say. But you know what? It’s bullshit. Yes, we are tired, but it’s not at all from lack of sleep. We’re tired of waking up every morning to face the same things as the day before, tired of going to bed with the same things on our minds. We’re tired of this space, this void, an emptiness that shadows over us even though our days are packed from start to finish. We’re tired of the loneliness that pushes down on us even though we’re surrounded by people every day. Why can’t we just say it then? Why can’t we just look into each other’s eyes and say “I’m unhappy, I’m broken, I’m hopeless and I’m wrong.” We’ve been trained to pair sadness with coldness, pain with weakness, loneliness with unworthiness, difference with disease. It’s as if uncertainty is something not to be felt but to be feared. Well, screw all of that. Screw the fake smiles and the laughs we don’t mean and all the times we say “I’m fine” when really we’re anything but. Screw the fear of crying in front of others, screw the false strength and courage in our voices when we are scared and screw the little lies we tell to cover up our problems. We are HUMAN. We are MEANT to feel, to feel everything and to show it openly. We are not metal – we are merely flesh and bone. We are feeble, we are complex and elusive and we should never hide our humanity. Because if we do, then what do we have left to show?

'Suicidal'

What's the crack with everyone suddenly being 'suicidal' and 'depressed'? Is there something wrong with being a happy teenager all of a sudden? Everyone just goes on about how shit their life is, or how much they hate themselves, etc, when there is actually fuck all of a problem?! Fair enough, tell your close mates or whatever when something is bothering you, but when you start to tell everyone about it including people you hardly even speak to, exaggerate and blow it totally out of proportion it's clearly just for attention. And when you put it all over your Facebook status or MSN or whatever that you don't see the point in your life anymore or that you want to die, just get to fuck. Man up and do it if you're gonna harp on about it so much, we won't miss your attention seeking crap on our homepages.
Another thing that gets to me a lot is when people 'try to kill themselves'. Omg, you took one paracetamol more than you should have, and holy fuck, you scratched yourself on the arm.. you really are suicidal beyond help, aren't you? I just don't get how you can fail at suicide if you wanna do it so badly. If you really wanted to kill yourself you would do more than a couple of cuts on your arm that barely break the skin. Jump off a building or something that's definitely gonna work, not just a pussy little mark on your wrist that everyone can see, which is clearly what you want. People who self-harm genuinely do not do it in places people can see - they do it on their legs, stomach, whatever, not their wrist and then go about wearing short sleeved tshirts for everyone to be "OMG ARE YOU OKAY?!". I don't have a problem with people who are genuinely depressed or suicidal or self-harming or anything, that's not what I'm trying to say, it's just all these fannies that are pretty much taking the piss out of it that make me mad. Ever wondered why people who are genuinely suicidal, if/when they actually do it, no one knows why? Because they didn't go round telling literally everyone; they didn't want attention. Unlike you lot of pathetic little twats. They didn't answer questions about it on Formspring, or plaster it all over their profiles and accounts on stuff. Because it was real, not a shit attempt at getting people to feel sorry for them with stupid little problems they've made for themselves. Just stop taking the piss out of something so serious, you're not cool, no one cares and you'll look back in a few years and realise how much of a fucking twat you were.

That is all.

It's far too difficult to get a job!

I've been jobhunting for over a year now, when am I actually going to get a job? I work the occasional Saturday in my dad's shop but one day a month or whatever doesn't really count for much and I don't get enough pay from it to really do anything. I've handed in a CV almost everywhere in the city, I swear, and it's not that I look bad on paper - I have lots of good grades and plenty of references. A couple of people have told me it might be that I look 'too good' and they'll be looking for someone who won't be moving on to better things, but that doesn't explain how I know people that have more qualifications and at higher levels than me that jump from job to job? People with less qualifications and even some people I know with no qualifications at all seem to manage to always have a job too. I don't get it. I'm just getting really downhearted about always being poor. Most of my friends have jobs or they're on some benefit or their parents give them money and they're always going out and doing things, whether that be having a few drinks or going to the cinema or going away for a weekend. I just feel like I'm missing out on everything because anything I want to do, I can't. I honestly can't remember the last time I could afford to buy myself new clothes or go out somewhere. I get invited out all the time and always have to say no, I'm scared that by the time I actually have a way of getting money for these things my friends will have given up and stopped asking. Out of desperation I looked into signing up for some benefits, but I'm not old enough for any of the ones I would otherwise qualify for. I would hate to be on benefits anyway, but that's how much this means to me. My laptop is half dead, as is my phone, and I don't like most of my clothes anymore. But I can't afford to replace them. Living at home is starting to drive me insane but I can't afford to leave and get my own place. I'd love to drive, it would make getting around so much easier as not many of my friends live close and there's so many places I'd like to go, but again, I can't afford it. I'm stuck in a rut and it all comes back to the supposedly 'little' issue of not having a job.

Save The Children

I saw the advert on telly for Save The Children the other day and it made me think quite a lot. Can I just say before anyone gets the wrong idea from this: I'm not one of those people that think it's these childrens' own fault they have to live the way they do. I do feel sorry for them and I hate thinking of anyone having to spend their life on the verge of death like they do. Save The Children are saying £3 will buy a mosquito net and another £3 will help towards clean water, and they've got their advert on up to three times in a break. That's got to be costing a lot. I'm sure they have separate funding for their advertising from what the general public donate to them, but everyone knows the charity is there already. Everyone knows there are children starving. Putting it on TV doesn't change that at all, and people who are dead set on helping will go looking for these charities if they want to find them; they don't need to be on TV. So I thought, would it not be a better use of their money to buy mosquito nets and whatever else will improve these childrens' quality of life with the thousands of pounds they would otherwise just give to the BBC? They're trekking out to all these places with starving kids and instead of bringing food and shelter they're taking camera crews to make adverts that don't even make that much difference. Everyone I know that donates to a charity, they didn't find them on TV. And if I wanted to give money towards a cause I would look around to see which charity for that cause would make best use of the money instead of seeing an advert that was designed to make people feel guilty and jumping straight on the phone to hand over my bank details. Another thing that crossed my mind was the fact that if it's as bad as they make it out to be, these families really shouldn't still be bringing children into the world. If I didn't have a safe place to live, no reliable source of food/water and so much disease around me the last thing I would be thinking about would be having children to suffer with me. I understand that they mostly don't have access to contraception, but they don't need to be shagging till they've popped out fifteen babies that they can't look after. I know the average size of families in these places is bigger because the chances of them surviving are so much lower, I understand that they have the right to have families just like anyone else, and I understand that it's not their fault, but when you look at it like this they're really not helping themselves. And, as bad as it may sound in this context, I don't see much point in trying to help people that won't help themselves. Understandably they should have some children to keep their species (for want of a better word) going but that doesn't mean every family has to consist of twenty people. If one of their children dies, fair enough, have another one if they want. They shouldn't be replacing them before they're even sure they're going to die though.. that's crazy. If each couple only had to worry about two or three children and themselves, their limited supplies would go further and their problem would slowly start to sort itself out. Say a family gets a cup of rice but it has to go round ten or twelve people, it's not going to make much difference is it? They'll still be hungry after eating, but if the families only had four or five people then they would all get what would be a pretty good feed to them. The little bit more food would give them a little more energy to look after themselves, and because there would be less of them to look after the energy they had would go further. Women wouldn't have to breastfeed so many children so they would be healthier as their nutrients wouldn't be being divided between lots of children and they could keep them mostly for themselves. After a few months/years/whatever of that and I'm sure they'd all start to get healthier and start developing, maybe even start being able to fight some of the illnesses that kill so many of them? I'm sure a lot more people would be willing to give money to these charities if the people on the receiving end of the money tried harder not to need it in the first place.

Hello. (:

I don't have much idea how to use this, as you can probably tell by the lack of things on my page. I've set this up as a place to put my thoughts and feelings and rants about well, whatever really. I mainly use Twitter (@xhelly_) but everything you say being limited to 140 characters isn't very useful when you just want to get something out of your system, because sometimes 'asfhskghaosigjag' just doesn't cut it.

Let me introduce myself, I'm all smiles and my name is Helly. I'm seventeen, I live in Inverness and I'm looking for a job so I can afford to keep up with my crazy lifestyle. I speak English (obviously), Spanish and French and tbh I'm a bit of a language geek! I've been vegetarian for the last six and a half years and in a few weeks I'll be starting my third year at Inverness College. I've studied a lot of psychology and sociology but I'm taking a break from it to focus on sciences before (hopefully) doing mental health nursing or psychiatry at university. So yeah, I'm not that interesting at all and I don't pretend to be either. I'm not expecting masses of followers or whatever, but I'm fine with that. This is purely somewhere for me to empty my head, if people enjoy it at the same time then I guess I'm getting more than I bargained for.

Buenos días amigos :) x