I just read a really strange story... I don't even know what I think of it. On one hand it's really clever and on the other it's snide and disgusting. I've never thought much of online or long-distance relationships, especially if you haven't met the person, but this has been enough to put me right off them albeit this obviously isn't a common occurrence.
Nicole, from Perth, Scotland, met her man by complete accident. His name was Lee, from Uxbridge, England - about 400 miles away. Neither of them were particularly looking for a relationship but they seemed to get on really well. A friend of his had texted her by accident and it later transpired that Lee and Nicole's phone numbers were only one digit different. After Nicole explained to Lee's friend that it was a wrong number, Lee texted her laughing about the coincidence. They kept in contact and became really close, Nicole would tell him all of her problems and he would do what he could to help her. Nicole would tell him about how she had fallen pregnant, and he would tell her about how he was undergoing treatment for testicular cancer. One day, out of the blue, he phoned her and said he was visiting a friend not far from where she lived and asked if they could meet. Nicole was 18 at this point and she agreed to visit him in Falkirk, wondering if anything would happen as they were both single. They went out in town for the night and decided they would try their hand at a relationship but take things slowly. Lee visited her in Scotland as often as he could and he would stay with her in the house she shared with her gran and daughter. Both of them loved him. They waited six months to have sex for the first time and Nicole understood she wasn't to touch his bits or try to take his tshirt off - he was still sensitive from the cancer treatments and had burns that he had to keep bandaged on his chest. Or at least, that's what he said.
Lee became jealous when he wasn't with Nicole and would start arguments if she mentioned she was going out with friends or having people over. After a year Nicole decided the good didn't outweigh the bad, so she told him it wasn't working. She spent the next few months trying not to think about him until one day she got a letter from him. From prison. "I've been jailed for beating up a paedo" he wrote, then explained that he had attacked his neighbour upon finding out he was a sex offender.
Nicole couldn't believe it - she didn't think he was violent at all. She binned his letters and didn't think about him until the end of 2008, by which point she was pregnant from another short relationship, when he sent her a text asking if he could visit. He told her he wanted things to work and that it would be different this time. Lee opened up to her - he told her about his exes and that he had nine children - and showed her that he'd had her name tattooed on his arm. Nicole decided he was a changed man and when he proposed to her she said yes.
He would visit as often as he could, just as before, and they spent as much time as they could planning their wedding. They set the date for March 2010 and Nicole's daughter even started calling Lee her daddy. Nicole often found herself doubting the relationship but she always ignored it. She worried when he announced he was going to Spain to visit family, but put a jokey twist on it by asking to see his passport photo. He refused, and snapped at her for asking. Nicole questioned him regarding why she'd never been asked to meet his family or friends or even seen photos of his children. Whenever she asked him anything like this he would start a fight. By December 2009, Nicole had decided again that this couldn't work. She told him she couldn't be with a man she couldn't trust, so they agreed to spend Christmas together and then split up.
Nicole had told herself she would avoid relationships for a while, despite Lee's desperate pleas. He would text her and phone her every day begging. A few months after they'd split up Nicole wanted to phone him to see how he was, and a girl answered the phone. She said she was Lee's girlfriend. This made Nicole more confident in her decision not to get back with him and despite feeling hurt and betrayed, it was time for her to move on. Just weeks after she had spoken to Lee's girlfriend she got another phonecall; from the police. They asked her to go to the station straight away as they needed to speak to her about Lee. They explained they had him in custody but there was something important they had to talk to her about.
"You might know him as Lee Brooks, but we know him as Samantha Brooks," the police officer told her. Nicole was overwhelmed. "This is a hard question to ask, but did you ever leave your kids alone with him during your time together?" the police officer went on. They told her that Lee, or Samantha, was on the sex offenders register. He, or she, had been jailed for sexual offences against a 14 year old whilst pretending to be a man - this was when he had told Nicole he'd attacked his neighbour.
Nicole couldn't help but wonder how they had had sex if he didn't have a penis. The answer? He used a toilet roll holder wrapped in bandages and condoms. That was why he wouldn't let her touch him and would never have sex with her unless the duvet covered him, although he'd told her it was because he was still sensitive from having cancer treatment. And the bandages on his chest? They weren't hiding burns, they were strapping his breasts down. Nicole and Lee had been together on and off for six years and she had never doubted him but the more she thought about it now the more it made sense. He was always clean-shaven but she'd never seen him with a razor.
A court hearing revealed that Lee had been seen standing up like a man whilst at the toilet and that he'd told previous partners his bandages hid stab wounds. Nicole felt stupid. She'd had two children and sexual partners before, she should have been able to tell. But then again, who stops to think their boyfriend may not actually be a boy?
Nicole wanted to see Lee imprisoned but in September 2011 the prosecutor told her they were dropping the case because Lee's latest girlfriend had dropped her evidence; they couldn't continue without it despite Nicole having photos and a marriage notice. None of Nicole's family or friends felt this was justice, and obviously she didn't either.
She's trying to forget about him now but she doesn't think she'll ever be able to trust a man again. And who can blame her? She said if she can be fooled that anyone can and has given some advice on what to look out for:
- Lee always kept his body hidden. He refused to have sex unless he was under a duvet and the lights always had to be off
- He said he had testicular cancer and burns but never had anything to back these up. He never mentioned check-ups or doctors appointments, but Nicole didn't think she had any reason to doubt him
- In the bath, he would always make sure he was covered in bubbles so if Nicole were to go into the room she wouldn't see any of his body
- He created Facebook profiles for his exes and children but Nicole was never allowed to make contact with any of them
- Lee refused to show Nicole his passport photo
- Nicole was never introduced to any of Lee's family or friends, even after six years and a marriage
- He had filed for marriage in a fake name, and as he hadn't allowed Nicole to see his photo ID she had no idea
- ...and then there's the toilet roll holder.
Like I said before, obviously this isn't going to be relevant to every person you meet on the internet. It really made me think though, it's not particularly difficult to pretend to be someone you aren't, even face-to-face.
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