Applejack Canvas

The paint on the hat, eyes and mouth were still wet when I took this picture, I'll get a better one after the touch ups are finished. She's a prize for a competition that was run over at Bronyfarm and she's being sent to the winner along with lots of other pony merch. :) Not a lot to say about this one.. sorry guys! Click the link and check out the website though~

My Little Pony Canvases

I'm working on making one for each of the characters, here's what I have so far (click to enlarge):

From left to right they are Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, for those who aren't aware. They are painted on double gesso primed and stretched, pure cotton canvases with acrylic paint. They are all roughly 23x30cm in size (9x12") with Rainbow Dash being on a deeper edge canvas than the other two. I gave Rainbow Dash away as a gift pretty much the second she was finished but when I've done all the touch ups and corrections on Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy they will be available to buy probably straight away. I may decide to wait until I have more finished paintings before opening a shop, we'll wait and see how it goes. I will be posting on here, Twitter (xhelly_) and possibly Facebook (Helly Kristin Anderson) when these are for sale anyway. I have not yet had time to work out prices, I'm going to judge it on how much paint is required and the cost will also cover the price of a blank canvas and a little bit for my time. Making a guesstimation, they won't cost much as I'm buying blank canvases for what works out at roughly £1.25 ($2ish) each and I doubt they would require more than a couple of pounds/dollars worth of paint either. The only thing that might bump up the price would be postage, but obviously that depends where you live and which postal method you'd prefer. I won't have a problem with posting to other countries as long as you are willing to cover the cost for the stamps etc. Also, if you would like to ask about commissions you can send me an email to x_helly@hotmail.com or contact me on Twitter/Facebook. Watch this space~!

Abrazos y besos, ♥

Good Deed

I had the perfect opportunity to steal what could have turned out to be a lot of money tonight. When I was walking home I noticed something on the road next to a car so I had a wee nosey (because it looked like a little toy car - it was dark) and it turned out to be a purse. It looked like someone had dropped it getting out of the car so I assumed the person whose car it was would be in the house that the car was parked outside. I went up to the door and explained how I had found it and I don't think I've ever been thanked so profusely for anything in my life. I'm one of very few teenagers in my area that would consider returning something like that upon finding it, so I'm sure she appreciated it even more knowing that there's someone just down the street from her that isn't your typical Hilton brat. I didn't even look inside the purse to see how much or what was there, I just wanted the lady to have it back. I know what it's like to have lost valuable things and never seen them again and what it's like to have things stolen from you; it's not a nice feeling. So when I saw it, I just had to return it. A couple of people I know have asked why I didn't take it as no one would have known it was me and I could have had lots of money to spend... I don't care. If someone found my purse so close to my home (or anywhere, for that matter) I really do like to hope that it would find its way back to me. I had my phone stolen from right under my nose a week or so back when I was at college, it's not a good feeling when you know that people around you will happily just take your things. So I hope that by giving her back her purse not only will she be happy, but maybe karma will be on my side for if something similar ever happens to me. :)

Rainbow Dash Canvas

Today I made this:

It's not completely finished yet but I'm buying a black marker pen when I finish work tomorrow to do the outline to finish her off! I'll post a picture of the finished painting as of when it's done. I'm also going to buy more canvases tomorrow and paint the other ponies on them, so watch this space for updates. :)

I've been asked by a couple of people how much one of these would cost to buy... I said already I'm unsure of a price list but I will be working one out soon and hopefully getting some products up online as well! I would guess a canvas this size (9x12") would possibly be worth between £15 - £20 ($24 - $32, if that converted correctly) but don't quote me on that because I haven't started to work anything out yet! The price is liable to be either higher or lower than that. Bare with me. :)

hugshugshugs xo

Messy Break Ups

I will never understand why some people seem to thrive on making break ups harder than they already are, be that people involved with the relationship or people outside it. It's so unnecessary. Why can't you just stay friends? It would be easier for you both, your friends and everyone else around you. I don't know if it's a general girl thing or if it's just girls where I live but the second their relationship ends they go on a mission to make everyone they know hate the person they've just broken up with. Why? Just because your relationship didn't work out doesn't mean you have to turn everyone against them and it certainly does not mean they're a bad person simply because they weren't suited to you. You see a completely different side of someone when you're in a relationship to when you're just friends and I'll admit sometimes that side isn't great but why can't you just say it didn't work for you and leave it, instead of giving everyone this story about how much of an awful person they are? I know lots of people that have been suffocated by a jealous partner or had their partner start arguments constantly, yet they're always the one that's made to look like the bad guy. You don't need to twist things. What's so hard about telling people the actual reason you broke up? I've known people who have said to their boyfriend that it simply wasn't working for them, left him with that reason then spread something completely different and horrible behind their back. Is it a bid for attention? There's no excuse not to at least try to be mature about it. You don't need to spread dodgy rumours about each other or bring up things from the past to make each other sound awful. I think what's worse than the ex-couple themselves doing this is when their friends get involved. Fair enough, you're going to want to be there for your friends, but that relationship was nothing to do with you so why do you feel the need to get involved after it's over? And to be honest, I don't see why it even matters that much to anyone else why they broke up anyway unless it was something to do with that person. It shouldn't affect anyone else, all you need to know is that it has finished. You don't need to know how or where or why, that shouldn't concern you. What happens in a relationship should be between two people, but I guess some people can't count.

Toilet Roll Penis

I just read a really strange story... I don't even know what I think of it. On one hand it's really clever and on the other it's snide and disgusting. I've never thought much of online or long-distance relationships, especially if you haven't met the person, but this has been enough to put me right off them albeit this obviously isn't a common occurrence.

       Nicole, from Perth, Scotland, met her man by complete accident. His name was Lee, from Uxbridge, England - about 400 miles away. Neither of them were particularly looking for a relationship but they seemed to get on really well. A friend of his had texted her by accident and it later transpired that Lee and Nicole's phone numbers were only one digit different. After Nicole explained to Lee's friend that it was a wrong number, Lee texted her laughing about the coincidence. They kept in contact and became really close, Nicole would tell him all of her problems and he would do what he could to help her. Nicole would tell him about how she had fallen pregnant, and he would tell her about how he was undergoing treatment for testicular cancer. One day, out of the blue, he phoned her and said he was visiting a friend not far from where she lived and asked if they could meet. Nicole was 18 at this point and she agreed to visit him in Falkirk, wondering if anything would happen as they were both single. They went out in town for the night and decided they would try their hand at a relationship but take things slowly. Lee visited her in Scotland as often as he could and he would stay with her in the house she shared with her gran and daughter. Both of them loved him. They waited six months to have sex for the first time and Nicole understood she wasn't to touch his bits or try to take his tshirt off - he was still sensitive from the cancer treatments and had burns that he had to keep bandaged on his chest. Or at least, that's what he said.

Lee became jealous when he wasn't with Nicole and would start arguments if she mentioned she was going out with friends or having people over. After a year Nicole decided the good didn't outweigh the bad, so she told him it wasn't working. She spent the next few months trying not to think about him until one day she got a letter from him. From prison. "I've been jailed for beating up a paedo" he wrote, then explained that he had attacked his neighbour upon finding out he was a sex offender.

       Nicole couldn't believe it - she didn't think he was violent at all. She binned his letters and didn't think about him until the end of 2008, by which point she was pregnant from another short relationship, when he sent her a text asking if he could visit. He told her he wanted things to work and that it would be different this time. Lee opened up to her - he told her about his exes and that he had nine children - and showed her that he'd had her name tattooed on his arm. Nicole decided he was a changed man and when he proposed to her she said yes.

       He would visit as often as he could, just as before, and they spent as much time as they could planning their wedding. They set the date for March 2010 and Nicole's daughter even started calling Lee her daddy. Nicole often found herself doubting the relationship but she always ignored it. She worried when he announced he was going to Spain to visit family, but put a jokey twist on it by asking to see his passport photo. He refused, and snapped at her for asking. Nicole questioned him regarding why she'd never been asked to meet his family or friends or even seen photos of his children. Whenever she asked him anything like this he would start a fight. By December 2009, Nicole had decided again that this couldn't work. She told him she couldn't be with a man she couldn't trust, so they agreed to spend Christmas together and then split up.

       Nicole had told herself she would avoid relationships for a while, despite Lee's desperate pleas. He would text her and phone her every day begging. A few months after they'd split up Nicole wanted to phone him to see how he was, and a girl answered the phone. She said she was Lee's girlfriend. This made Nicole more confident in her decision not to get back with him and despite feeling hurt and betrayed, it was time for her to move on. Just weeks after she had spoken to Lee's girlfriend she got another phonecall; from the police. They asked her to go to the station straight away as they needed to speak to her about Lee. They explained they had him in custody but there was something important they had to talk to her about.

       "You might know him as Lee Brooks, but we know him as Samantha Brooks," the police officer told her. Nicole was overwhelmed. "This is a hard question to ask, but did you ever leave your kids alone with him during your time together?" the police officer went on. They told her that Lee, or Samantha, was on the sex offenders register. He, or she, had been jailed for sexual offences against a 14 year old whilst pretending to be a man - this was when he had told Nicole he'd attacked his neighbour.

       Nicole couldn't help but wonder how they had had sex if he didn't have a penis. The answer? He used a toilet roll holder wrapped in bandages and condoms. That was why he wouldn't let her touch him and would never have sex with her unless the duvet covered him, although he'd told her it was because he was still sensitive from having cancer treatment. And the bandages on his chest? They weren't hiding burns, they were strapping his breasts down. Nicole and Lee had been together on and off for six years and she had never doubted him but the more she thought about it now the more it made sense. He was always clean-shaven but she'd never seen him with a razor.

       A court hearing revealed that Lee had been seen standing up like a man whilst at the toilet and that he'd told previous partners his bandages hid stab wounds. Nicole felt stupid. She'd had two children and sexual partners before, she should have been able to tell. But then again, who stops to think their boyfriend may not actually be a boy?

       Nicole wanted to see Lee imprisoned but in September 2011 the prosecutor told her they were dropping the case because Lee's latest girlfriend had dropped her evidence; they couldn't continue without it despite Nicole having photos and a marriage notice. None of Nicole's family or friends felt this was justice, and obviously she didn't either. 

       She's trying to forget about him now but she doesn't think she'll ever be able to trust a man again. And who can blame her? She said if she can be fooled that anyone can and has given some advice on what to look out for:

- Lee always kept his body hidden. He refused to have sex unless he was under a duvet and the lights always had to be off

- He said he had testicular cancer and burns but never had anything to back these up. He never mentioned check-ups or doctors appointments, but Nicole didn't think she had any reason to doubt him

- In the bath, he would always make sure he was covered in bubbles so if Nicole were to go into the room she wouldn't see any of his body

- He created Facebook profiles for his exes and children but Nicole was never allowed to make contact with any of them

- Lee refused to show Nicole his passport photo

- Nicole was never introduced to any of Lee's family or friends, even after six years and a marriage

- He had filed for marriage in a fake name, and as he hadn't allowed Nicole to see his photo ID she had no idea

- ...and then there's the toilet roll holder.

Like I said before, obviously this isn't going to be relevant to every person you meet on the internet. It really made me think though, it's not particularly difficult to pretend to be someone you aren't, even face-to-face.

Four Reasons Becoming Vegetarian Could Prolong Life On Earth

Yesterday (October 31st, 2011) the world's population hit 7 billion. If we continue to eat the things we do the way we do, the world will not be capable of catering for this many people. Whether you've thought about it or not, our diets take their toll on our planet. Think about this:

- Animals raised for food take up approximately 30% of the earth's land surface, the other 70% of which is largely over-populated. In numeral terms: the earth has about 57,250,950 miles² of land and roughly 17,175,285 miles² of this is taken up by grazing animals. The amount of land required to feed one meat-eater could feed between fifteen and twenty vegetarians; one acre can produce about 75kg of beef or 9000kg of potatoes. There would be 17,175,285 miles² more to plant crops on and build houses on if these animals did not have to be here - it's not like there aren't other options for food!

- 7kg of grain will feed one cow. After it has been through the cow's system and the cow has been converted into meat products, it will provide you with only one third of your daily calorie intake. If you were to take that same 7kg of grain it would provide ten people with their entire caloric intake for a whole day. The world's cattle eat enough grain to feed every human on earth, and most of that is wasted. A cow must eat 7kg of grain to produce 0.45kg of meat - this comes in at 94% food wastage. Keep in mind the waste rate is so high and add it to the fact that 60% of the world's grain is fed to farmed animals.. at the same time as 925,000,000 people do not have enough to eat. Hmm!

- Between half of and three quarters of drinking water in America alone is consumed by farmed animals whilst 884,000,000 people in the world do not have access to safe water. It takes 2400 gallons of water to produce 0.45kg of meat whereas it only takes 5 gallons to produce the same amount of wheat. In 2009, 5 trillion gallons of water were used to make sufficient amounts of vegetarian food where it took 235 trillion gallons to make the same amount of meat products. There would be gallons more water for third world countries and those who are dying for access to it if we reconsidered our food choices.

- Grazing animals is also responsible for soil erosion, clearing of forest land, water pollution and desertification. Say one day in the future we decide that we want to (or more likely need to) use each 7kg of grain for human consumption rather than feeding farm cattle, the longer we go on grazing them now the less land we will have that crops will be able to grow in in the future. Permanent damage and irreversibility are always great options(!).

It may just be me but I find these figures shocking. If you want to make a difference to your own lives and the lives of future generations, you know what to do~

Vegetarian rant

In a sense vegetarians are treated like they follow a crazy religion that most people see as being completely unjustified. I don't care how silly anyone thinks it is, this is how I choose to live my life. How am I making any difference at all to you if I don't eat meat? If I don't shove my beliefs in your face, I don't see why you should shove yours' in mine. I'll admit there are some rather irritating vegetarians out there that try to force it on others and try to make people feel bad for eating meat, but unless they're being like that then there is no reason for you to come in on your high horses and start throwing about insults. 
A lot of people have treated me or other veggies I know as if we are stupid, or say we're "missing out". Cutting meat out of your diet does not equate to being stupid and it's really not that hard to find some if we decided that we were in fact missing out on something and wanted to change that fact.
I've heard more reasons than I could keep up with for people being vegetarian, each one as understandable as the next, but if you ask someone why they aren't vegetarian you always get the same answer: "meat tastes good". Human meat supposedly tastes so good that it is addictive but you don't see us going around eating each other, do you? Another thing that really gets me about that is people seem to pick and choose which animals are acceptable to eat and not. You put your thumbs up to a beef burger or a chicken but if anyone were to suggest eating a puppy or a horse you would think it's disgusting. And yes, it is, but either way it's still the insides of a dead animal and if you're okay with some of it you should be okay with all of it.
Another thing I hear a lot is that if we didn't eat meat there would be too many animals and not enough space. I don't see how that works considering most animals are just bred for slaughter anyway, ie. if they weren't being used for meat then they wouldn't be there in the first place. Imagine you were brought into this world purely to be fed a load of crap and then murdered.. sounds like a ton of fun.. not.
Both sides are convinced they are right and that the other is in the wrong. I'm just going to take a step back and say although I think meat is a disgusting addition to a meal I will respect your decision to eat it as long as you respect mine not to. We'll just have to agree to disagree, so can we leave it there?

College

I actually despise this year at college and it's only been two months since it started. I'm not saying that because I'm the stereotypical teenager that doesn't care about the future and just wants to party all the time (although that would be awesome!), in fact it's not the classes or the institute at all, it's the people. This is my third year studying at Inverness College and it's never been like this before. In my first year it was such a tight-knit group and we were all really good friends, my second year was quite cliquey but everyone still had time for one another, then there's this year and I don't even have words for it. A few weeks into the course someone in the class had set up a Facebook page under a false name and started sending everyone else in the class abusive messages whilst leaving very distinct clues about who it was. They were so personal and offensive that one of the girls dropped out of the course over it because after threatening messages she genuinely did not feel safe on campus. I thought that was as far as it was going to go but on top of all the bitching, arguments and more bitching, there's now theft! Yeah, theft. One of my classmates, a 'friend', stole my phone and my homework diary yesterday. I couldn't believe it. The diary isn't particularly important because everything that was written in it I can find out again from my lecturers, but my phone is the only way I have to communicate with people the majority of the time! I'm hardly ever home to use the internet here and I speak to people mostly by text... so until I can afford a new one I'm effectively out of contact to everyone I know. Who would do that, and more importantly why? What drives people to steal from their friends?
Whoever you are, I hope you're riddled with guilt, I know I would be.

Custom shoe/keyring commissions

Over the last few years I've spent some time painting canvas shoes and making clay keyrings/necklaces/bracelets. I've never had enough money to produce any of the latter in quantities that would make selling them online a possibility, but since getting a job that may not be as unlikely as I originally thought! I should be able to afford to stock up on clay, paint, shoes, canvas and other materials soon so I think I may just give this online business jazz a shot. I'll hopefully have some spare money out of this month's wages (which I get tomorrow!) so I'm hoping to buy at least some of the materials I need. *fingers crossed*

Left to my own devices I would probably make only Pokémon and My Little Pony products but the good news for you is I will take commissions. I'll probably set up a separate email address for people to send their pictures/ideas to when I'm ready to start taking orders, but watch this space for an update on that. I'm yet to do the maths for a price list but don't worry - I won't be charging anything outrageous! I would hope for some profit from my products as a lot of time and effort is put into hand-making and hand-painting, however most items will still fit the average budget quite nicely if everything goes to plan. I will also upload more pictures of items I've made before I start selling.

I don't have many pictures of my work as of yet, but I do have these which are a pair of Pokémon shoes I made for myself and a penguin keyring (polymer clay). Apologies for the horrific quality of the pictures; they were taken on a camera phone with a something ridiculous like 2mp. :(

If you have any questions or queries you can email me at x_helly@hotmail.com

Abrazos y besos xo

Samhain

I'm really excited; less than a week to go!
Samhain (pronounced sow-in) has been replaced by the majority with what we know as Halloween. The word itself means 'summer's end' as it marks the start of winter, and it is the final harvest of the year. October 31st is the old Celtic New Year, or the Witch's New Year, and the concept of 'Halloween' is taken from the traditions this day holds. It is the second of the two "spirit days" of the year, the other being the 1st of May; known as Beltane. October 31st (or November 1st; some prefer to celebrate a day later) is supposedly the day of the year in which the spirit world is most connected with us and is used to celebrate the cycle of death and rebirth, as well as a day to honour and show respect to our loved ones that have crossed into the spirit world. It is also seen by some as the time to honour the Dark Mother and Dark Father (often symbolised by Crone and her consort). The traditions for this day originated with Celts who left offerings of food on doorsteps for the 'wandering dead' and left single candles in their windows so spirits would be guided to their homes. Commonly extra chairs and space would be allocated at the dinner table on this night for the unseen guest too. Other Celtic Samhain traditions include hollowing out turnips as protectors because this night was believed to be chaotic and burying apples along roadsides for spirits who were lost and/or had no families to find. Any plants or crops that were still unharvested by this point would be left as offerings to the Nature spirits and all the peoples' cattle would be slaughtered and kept as a food supply for over the winter months. Traditionally bone-fires (now known as bonfires) were set up and all the bones from food that day would be tossed into the bone-fire. Another tradition was writing the names of late relatives onto stones, tossing them into the bone-fire and going back to get the stones the next morning after the fire had completely burnt out. Some people believed that the amount their stones had burnt would reflect their fortune for the upcoming year, and often any ashes from the bone-fire were scattered across farming fields to 'protect the land'.
A lot of these Celtic traditions are still practised today amongst Pagan/Wiccan families, along with many more. Of course, all of this is debatable regarding whether it has any truth or not, so how about this year instead of telling goofy little ghost stories to your friends you try out the traditional celebrations and see what happens?

xo

My Little Pony

Hello again!
A lot has changed since I was last on here, I forgot which email address I had used to set up this account (clever, I know) so I haven't been able to access it since August. But hey, I'm back! And in trying to find out which email address I had used for here, I managed to accidentally sign into an old blog of mine that holds many things I didn't want to lose - win/win!
So yeah, like I said, a lot has changed and I'm not entirely sure where to begin with that, possibly with the part that has made the most difference to me - My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. I understand that this probably sounds crazy and no, I have not lost my mind, it may seem strange but please read on! The newest generation of My Little Pony ponies are some of the cutest things I've ever had the fortune to set eyes on, add to that a captivating story and important morals that are so basic they are often forgotten and boom, you have an amazing TV show! In my opinion at least. Someone very close to me, despite not wanting to, let me in on their secret of Pony love and I warily decided I would watch a bit of it to see what it was about. I was told "you're hooked after the first two episodes" and I think, knowing me, I probably accepted it more as a challenge than anything else. But right enough, I watched the first two episodes and it has been my guilty pleasure ever since! If someone from the future had come and told me a few months ago that I would soon be calling myself a 'Brony'/'Pegasister' (names given to fans of the show) and spending my time watching My Little Pony, thinking about ponies, drawing ponies, attempting to make models of ponies, trying to get my friends involved with ponies... I would have laughed. Honestly, I would have. It's the sort of thing that is so easily judged and like everything else that is shoved into categories and stereotypes, the idea everyone has of it is completely misinformed. You hear the words 'My Little Pony' and they're probably followed by "little girls", "kids", "gay", right? Wrong. Unlike Balamory and In The Night Garden, My Little Pony is something I would be quite happy to sit down and watch with my (theoretical) children. Just look at them:

Cuteness!

There are so many instances in the episodes where males and females, children and adults alike can relate to what's going on. For those who like music there are songs, for those who like challenges there are puzzles, for those who like cute things there's plenty here! And somehow, Lauren Faust (developer/producer) has managed to make all of this appeal to everyone between age 3 and 30+! It's neither too childish nor too grown-up, it allows you to indulge in factors of your childhood at the same time as respecting you are an adult. To outline the story, Twilight Sparkle was sent to Ponyville so she could learn the importance of friendship. This is something a lot of people seem to have issues with remembering; perhaps all we need is a little Pony in our lives to remind us of how special it really is. At the end of each episode Twilight writes a report to Princess Celestia, her teacher, which effectively recaps what the moral of the episode was. Her letters are really touching, including things like:

"Today I learned that it's hard to accept when someone you like wants to spend time with someone who's not so nice. Though it's impossible to control who your friends hang out with, it is possible to control your own behaviour. Just continue to be a good friend. In the end the difference between a false friend and one who's true will surely come to light."
"This adventure has taught me to never lose faith in your friends. They can be an amazing source of strength, and can help you overcome even your greatest fears."
and
"This week I've learned that being jealous and telling lies gets you nowhere in friendship. I also learned that there's plenty of love for every friend to share."
What is there not to like about such sweet and positive messages? They certainly leave a smile on my face and when not-so-great things have happened with my friends, I've reminded myself of Twilight's kind words and found some way to overcome whatever the problem was. This is the sort of thing we should be bringing our children up watching, it's not going out of its way to try to be educational or 'dumb things down' but it still gets important messages across and it can teach things so much more valuable than spelling and numbers. Also, unlike Teletubbies (for example) it's something they could grow up with and continue to embrace throughout teen years and adulthood. I really wish there was something like MLP:FiM around when I was younger, since watching it I have become a much better person and it has really opened my eyes to the world - if I had had the chance to watch it as I was growing up I doubt I would ever have had such a bitchy and hateful phase or lost so many of the people I held close to my heart. I urge you to at least give the first two episodes a shot, you may be incredulous and skeptical but there are not many people that this show doesn't appeal to in one way or another. It all begins here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZryW1J_wj4, which will lead you to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DPUQvzibKGA&feature=relate and the next thing you know you'll be a Brony/Pegasister too! Come get involved on Twitter; search #TwitterBronies to find your new friends and check out the Brony-run websites  (I'd recommend http://bronyfarm.com/ and http://www.equestriadaily.com/!) to keep up to date with all things Pony!


I thank you if you've read this far, and hopefully leave you with a smile,
Helly xo

This quote♥

We’re all walking about with these masks. “I’m just tired,” we say. But you know what? It’s bullshit. Yes, we are tired, but it’s not at all from lack of sleep. We’re tired of waking up every morning to face the same things as the day before, tired of going to bed with the same things on our minds. We’re tired of this space, this void, an emptiness that shadows over us even though our days are packed from start to finish. We’re tired of the loneliness that pushes down on us even though we’re surrounded by people every day. Why can’t we just say it then? Why can’t we just look into each other’s eyes and say “I’m unhappy, I’m broken, I’m hopeless and I’m wrong.” We’ve been trained to pair sadness with coldness, pain with weakness, loneliness with unworthiness, difference with disease. It’s as if uncertainty is something not to be felt but to be feared. Well, screw all of that. Screw the fake smiles and the laughs we don’t mean and all the times we say “I’m fine” when really we’re anything but. Screw the fear of crying in front of others, screw the false strength and courage in our voices when we are scared and screw the little lies we tell to cover up our problems. We are HUMAN. We are MEANT to feel, to feel everything and to show it openly. We are not metal – we are merely flesh and bone. We are feeble, we are complex and elusive and we should never hide our humanity. Because if we do, then what do we have left to show?

'Suicidal'

What's the crack with everyone suddenly being 'suicidal' and 'depressed'? Is there something wrong with being a happy teenager all of a sudden? Everyone just goes on about how shit their life is, or how much they hate themselves, etc, when there is actually fuck all of a problem?! Fair enough, tell your close mates or whatever when something is bothering you, but when you start to tell everyone about it including people you hardly even speak to, exaggerate and blow it totally out of proportion it's clearly just for attention. And when you put it all over your Facebook status or MSN or whatever that you don't see the point in your life anymore or that you want to die, just get to fuck. Man up and do it if you're gonna harp on about it so much, we won't miss your attention seeking crap on our homepages.
Another thing that gets to me a lot is when people 'try to kill themselves'. Omg, you took one paracetamol more than you should have, and holy fuck, you scratched yourself on the arm.. you really are suicidal beyond help, aren't you? I just don't get how you can fail at suicide if you wanna do it so badly. If you really wanted to kill yourself you would do more than a couple of cuts on your arm that barely break the skin. Jump off a building or something that's definitely gonna work, not just a pussy little mark on your wrist that everyone can see, which is clearly what you want. People who self-harm genuinely do not do it in places people can see - they do it on their legs, stomach, whatever, not their wrist and then go about wearing short sleeved tshirts for everyone to be "OMG ARE YOU OKAY?!". I don't have a problem with people who are genuinely depressed or suicidal or self-harming or anything, that's not what I'm trying to say, it's just all these fannies that are pretty much taking the piss out of it that make me mad. Ever wondered why people who are genuinely suicidal, if/when they actually do it, no one knows why? Because they didn't go round telling literally everyone; they didn't want attention. Unlike you lot of pathetic little twats. They didn't answer questions about it on Formspring, or plaster it all over their profiles and accounts on stuff. Because it was real, not a shit attempt at getting people to feel sorry for them with stupid little problems they've made for themselves. Just stop taking the piss out of something so serious, you're not cool, no one cares and you'll look back in a few years and realise how much of a fucking twat you were.

That is all.

It's far too difficult to get a job!

I've been jobhunting for over a year now, when am I actually going to get a job? I work the occasional Saturday in my dad's shop but one day a month or whatever doesn't really count for much and I don't get enough pay from it to really do anything. I've handed in a CV almost everywhere in the city, I swear, and it's not that I look bad on paper - I have lots of good grades and plenty of references. A couple of people have told me it might be that I look 'too good' and they'll be looking for someone who won't be moving on to better things, but that doesn't explain how I know people that have more qualifications and at higher levels than me that jump from job to job? People with less qualifications and even some people I know with no qualifications at all seem to manage to always have a job too. I don't get it. I'm just getting really downhearted about always being poor. Most of my friends have jobs or they're on some benefit or their parents give them money and they're always going out and doing things, whether that be having a few drinks or going to the cinema or going away for a weekend. I just feel like I'm missing out on everything because anything I want to do, I can't. I honestly can't remember the last time I could afford to buy myself new clothes or go out somewhere. I get invited out all the time and always have to say no, I'm scared that by the time I actually have a way of getting money for these things my friends will have given up and stopped asking. Out of desperation I looked into signing up for some benefits, but I'm not old enough for any of the ones I would otherwise qualify for. I would hate to be on benefits anyway, but that's how much this means to me. My laptop is half dead, as is my phone, and I don't like most of my clothes anymore. But I can't afford to replace them. Living at home is starting to drive me insane but I can't afford to leave and get my own place. I'd love to drive, it would make getting around so much easier as not many of my friends live close and there's so many places I'd like to go, but again, I can't afford it. I'm stuck in a rut and it all comes back to the supposedly 'little' issue of not having a job.

Save The Children

I saw the advert on telly for Save The Children the other day and it made me think quite a lot. Can I just say before anyone gets the wrong idea from this: I'm not one of those people that think it's these childrens' own fault they have to live the way they do. I do feel sorry for them and I hate thinking of anyone having to spend their life on the verge of death like they do. Save The Children are saying £3 will buy a mosquito net and another £3 will help towards clean water, and they've got their advert on up to three times in a break. That's got to be costing a lot. I'm sure they have separate funding for their advertising from what the general public donate to them, but everyone knows the charity is there already. Everyone knows there are children starving. Putting it on TV doesn't change that at all, and people who are dead set on helping will go looking for these charities if they want to find them; they don't need to be on TV. So I thought, would it not be a better use of their money to buy mosquito nets and whatever else will improve these childrens' quality of life with the thousands of pounds they would otherwise just give to the BBC? They're trekking out to all these places with starving kids and instead of bringing food and shelter they're taking camera crews to make adverts that don't even make that much difference. Everyone I know that donates to a charity, they didn't find them on TV. And if I wanted to give money towards a cause I would look around to see which charity for that cause would make best use of the money instead of seeing an advert that was designed to make people feel guilty and jumping straight on the phone to hand over my bank details. Another thing that crossed my mind was the fact that if it's as bad as they make it out to be, these families really shouldn't still be bringing children into the world. If I didn't have a safe place to live, no reliable source of food/water and so much disease around me the last thing I would be thinking about would be having children to suffer with me. I understand that they mostly don't have access to contraception, but they don't need to be shagging till they've popped out fifteen babies that they can't look after. I know the average size of families in these places is bigger because the chances of them surviving are so much lower, I understand that they have the right to have families just like anyone else, and I understand that it's not their fault, but when you look at it like this they're really not helping themselves. And, as bad as it may sound in this context, I don't see much point in trying to help people that won't help themselves. Understandably they should have some children to keep their species (for want of a better word) going but that doesn't mean every family has to consist of twenty people. If one of their children dies, fair enough, have another one if they want. They shouldn't be replacing them before they're even sure they're going to die though.. that's crazy. If each couple only had to worry about two or three children and themselves, their limited supplies would go further and their problem would slowly start to sort itself out. Say a family gets a cup of rice but it has to go round ten or twelve people, it's not going to make much difference is it? They'll still be hungry after eating, but if the families only had four or five people then they would all get what would be a pretty good feed to them. The little bit more food would give them a little more energy to look after themselves, and because there would be less of them to look after the energy they had would go further. Women wouldn't have to breastfeed so many children so they would be healthier as their nutrients wouldn't be being divided between lots of children and they could keep them mostly for themselves. After a few months/years/whatever of that and I'm sure they'd all start to get healthier and start developing, maybe even start being able to fight some of the illnesses that kill so many of them? I'm sure a lot more people would be willing to give money to these charities if the people on the receiving end of the money tried harder not to need it in the first place.

Hello. (:

I don't have much idea how to use this, as you can probably tell by the lack of things on my page. I've set this up as a place to put my thoughts and feelings and rants about well, whatever really. I mainly use Twitter (@xhelly_) but everything you say being limited to 140 characters isn't very useful when you just want to get something out of your system, because sometimes 'asfhskghaosigjag' just doesn't cut it.

Let me introduce myself, I'm all smiles and my name is Helly. I'm seventeen, I live in Inverness and I'm looking for a job so I can afford to keep up with my crazy lifestyle. I speak English (obviously), Spanish and French and tbh I'm a bit of a language geek! I've been vegetarian for the last six and a half years and in a few weeks I'll be starting my third year at Inverness College. I've studied a lot of psychology and sociology but I'm taking a break from it to focus on sciences before (hopefully) doing mental health nursing or psychiatry at university. So yeah, I'm not that interesting at all and I don't pretend to be either. I'm not expecting masses of followers or whatever, but I'm fine with that. This is purely somewhere for me to empty my head, if people enjoy it at the same time then I guess I'm getting more than I bargained for.

Buenos días amigos :) x